2003-11-27 - 5:16 p.m.
Have you ever heard of the triune-brain theory? You know, the business about the human brain being composed of three distinct brains of considerably different evolutionary age, the reptilian brain that represents base impulses and irrational desires, the limbic or "old" mammalian brain that represents emotion, and the neocortex that represents a "new" mammalian brain capable of higher rational human thinking?Well, nuts to that jazz. At least the triune part. The human brain is a tetraune brain -- Paul MacLean forgot to tell us about the fourth grey lumpy mass. It's called the imbecilicortex, and its appearance marks a bold but ill-advised evolutionary return to reptilian origins, this time armed with all the high-level distractions of the neocortex and all the dipshit tendencies for which we seem to have the limbic system to thank. The imbecilicortex is the seat of the following:
1. Leaving your left turn signal on for eighteen blocks of straight-as-an-arrow driving.
2. Saying "deteriate" when you mean "deteriorate" and "orientate" when you mean "orient."
3. Purchasing cheese that comes out of a spray can.
4. Reality television.
It might be tempting to think these "qualities" originate from nothing more than fallibilities of the cortex and its intended functions, or from the unfortunate disharmonies of the old and new mammalian brains duking it out ("This SUNDAY!SUNDAY!SUNDAY!... Paleopallium and Neopallium in the Squared Circle...Don't miss it!"), but I disagree. I think that, judging by the overall nature of human stupidity, we couldn't possibly just be dealing with disheartening side-effects of an incremental tripartite evolution -- we just gotta be dealing with a whole new specialized Stupid Lobe.
You guys with me?
