2003-10-30 - 6:27 p.m.
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. On the other hand, if I had comic-book talent and any interest in producing the things, I'd set to work on a fabulous publication called Captain Mailbox and Tardy Man. Resplendent in their bright primary-colour uniforms and obligatory uber-modern armoured codpieces, they would sweep the mean streets of Anycity USA bravely battling the evil Dr. Phase and his band of stumbling minions. Captain Mailbox, his chiseled features weathered by years of valiant struggle, would transmogrify* his heroic self into a classic roadside mailbox whenever evildoers appeared, waiting, watching, ready at any moment to strike out with feline speed and land a crushing blow with his Little Red You've-Got-Mail Flag of Death, while Tardy Man would hide behind the hedge, awaiting the perfect moment to strike. At last! The time is ripe! Er, was. Was ripe. Very sorry, Captain Mailbox. I meant to hit that evildoer, but he moved and there you were. Very sorry. Here, let me flip your Little Red You've-Got-Mail Flag of Death back up, into strike-position. Sorry.All would culminate in a spirited battle for supremacy in Anycity. Deep in the disused Acme warehouse our heroes would confront Dr. Phase himself. The dreaded, fearsome Dr. Phase, a martial artist with brutal ferocity, devilish cunning, and a lazy eye.
Striding boldly into the darkened clearing beneath the warehouse skylight, Captain Mailbox would stand fists on hips and shout, "Special Delivery for Dr. Phase! Let's see you sign for this package!" just as Tardy Man would crash through the skylight and land squarely where Dr. Phase was standing only moments before.
Dr. Phase would swing his limbs in controlled rage, a deadly blaze of punches and kicks administering a horrific beating to the air around Captain Mailbox's head. Then he'd misjudge the location of a pillar and bump his head, tumbling to the floor. A hand held over one eye and the other shaking a hateful fist as our heroes fled, Dr. Phase would vow to persist tirelessly in his quest for vengeance.
There'd be a nice cliffhanger, and a page you could hang up in your cubicle.
If I had an interest in comic books, I would interest-in-comic-books in the morning. Yes, yes -- I'd even interest-in-comic-books of love between my brothers and my sisters. Dig?
Luvabeans & The Adversary deserve credit here too. If this were a movie instead of a web diary, and we had credits to roll, there they'd be. I'd let Luva have a cool title like "2nd Assistant Director" but The Adversary would have to settle for something like "Dolly Grip." Sorry, mate -- ladies first.
Texas looms large on the horizon**. I do hope there won't be any major interruptions in Mirabile Visu transmission, but I'll most definitely not post Monday (I'll be in a sort of re-enactment of an 80s comedy most of that day, you see) and possibly nothing Sunday either. Then, Tuesday, the floodgates will open and you can cease your toil and get back to what you do best -- surfing Mirabile Visu on company time!
* Behold the word "transmogrify." Feel its awesome power. Work it into ten conversations next week at work and you win a prize!
** Behold Texas looming large on the horizon. Monolithic and ancient, Texas stares down at us, awaiting the coming of the Second Age, when at last it can assume human form once more and wreak its terrible vengeance on humankind. Tremble before the looming Texas, ye fools!***
*** Yes, I'm a dork, but no, I don't like comic books.
